Where's Russ?

The status on Russ's blog says it all. On his blog site at the top right it has always had the question of "Where's Russ?" to give an update on where he was. The answers reflected where he was at the time of his writing. I can't remember what the previous answer was but I know he made his final posting about a week and a half prior to passing away. He wrote it without knowing how soon things would come to an end. I believe that he intended to write another post with comments on how him being at home was causing chaos in an already chaotic household. He would have something witty to relate about the nursing care he was receiving and apologize to those he thought he was putting out. He would have provided his insights and thoughts on treatments and next steps. We all would have smiled a little, possibly even laughed and probably teared up a bit. Instead, he wasn't able to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard anymore. He prepared all us readers for what might come and what all too quickly did. That's the way I knew him and from what his long time friends said about him at the funeral, he'd been that way all along. There to lend a helping hand, provide insight and look out for others.
I'll miss you buddy.
Oh, and the final answer to the question of "Where's Russ?" Home.

Saying Goodbye

As promised here is the rest of the story - as Paul Harvey would say.

The Hospice care was to bring over a hospital bed for Russ to the house. They said the drugs he was receiving were not improving him any but I've got to think that they were at least keeping it at bay. I believe this because it wasn't long after he stopped taking them that he went downhill. I will keep details brief as some parts of the last couple of weeks are hazy whyle others stand out in amazing clarity. Russ went to the Casey House which is a hospice house the same day the bed was to arrive. As time has passed I don't recall the exact reason he went there other than there was a need for it and it would be better there than being at the house. Steph and I went up on Thursday night so we could say our goodbyes. They weren't sure how much longer he would hold on. It could be days or it could be hours. Baileys and the Conway's were already there when we got there and Marla's mom was taking Nolan & Audrey home. We talked for a while as a group then Kevin and Denise went in to talk to Russ. He was actually having a good night. He was awake and talkative. When Steph and I went in he looked great, on the outside. Though knowing what caused the weight loss (not being able or wanting to eat) and the dark tan (onset of jaundice) diminished what otherwise would be a cause of celebration. I got to see glimpses of my friend that night when we talked about cooking and trying to sneak in some avacados the next day so he could show me how he make his special guacamole dip he would usually bring to our gatherings. He got a glimmer in his eye that I remember him getting when talking about something he loved. I had some alone time with him and we discussed his constant pain, nursing care, how much he was going to miss everyone, how strange it was to discuss your own impending death and his kids. I reassured him on the last point that they would be OK. That he instilled enough of himself in them, taught them enough and would live on in them. It was a touching moment for me. I told him I would be there as a man and father in my own right to help Marla with anything she needed. Our conversation was interrupted by him dozing off and then waking up again usually within 30 seconds or so. I told him that he seemed tired and that it had been a long day. He replied, yeah it's been a long couple years. I hugged him, said my final goodbyes and told him to get some rest, then I left. He made it through another week.
The funeral/memorial service was last Saturday.

Bridges

In my last post I mentioned that we would be heading to Long Beach Island, NJ to spend some time relaxing in the sand before the chaos of school starts. We did that with the Philpott family. We got there Friday afternoon. We got left late as we were helping get some documentation to Anne at the National Cancer Institute for Russ. We found out earlier in the week that Russ was not to continue treatments at Johns Hopkins as he was not responding to treatments. There simply wasn't anything they could do for him any longer. Anne helped funnel Russ's papers to the right people, to see if there were any clinical studies going on outside JH and for Marla to get a second opinion. The conversation Marla had confirmed what JH said. Nothing more to do at this point. Russ's type of ALS is rare so there has not been further study in it yet. (another reason to run and raise money for LLS - as if I needed another) Russ was to continue transfusions as long as he was able and they gave him 2-6 months - I think. Regardless, the transfusions were 3 times a week and required a trip to JH each time. The news saddned us all and put a bit of a shadow on our weekend. Marla and Russ were to discuss things and figure out what the next steps were. We went on with the vacation.
The trip up was much nicer than last year with minimal traffic. Last year we spent what felt like 2 hours going the last 10 miles. We checked into the motel, which reminded us of the motels we would stay in when going to Rockaway Beach for Thanksgivings at Grandma & Grandpa Reeve's. It had a shower that was clean but by no means new and had rust spots everywhere. The beds were pretty worn out and so was the carpet. But, like I said it was clean, 2 blocks from the ocean and .75 miles to the Philpott house. After unloading the very stuffed van that was filled with clothes, toys, sandwich makings, snacks, towels, kids, Bloody Mary mixings, wine, beer and a body board, we made arrangements to meet Anne, Steve and the kids for dinner out. They were heading our way to pick us up in about 15-20 minutes so we figured we had enough time to hit the beach to see how the Atlantic was doing. The kids took off on a run with little Addison chasing after the other two but not really knowing why. Of course when we got there the kids asked if they could put thier feet in the water. Since we had a little time we said it would be OK just "don't go in and get all wet, we're heading to dinner soon" That lasted all of about 30 seconds. They all got soaked - including the ring leader - Steph. It was worth it though. A quick change and the Philpotts pulled up right on time and we were ready. A good sign for the weekend as it is a rarity for either family to be "on time". After dinner a walk along the dock by the restaurant with the kids brought about a lesson in crabbing a people were dropping crab traps all along the dock. Only a couple people had anything though. Not sure how lucrative the crabbing would be right along there but who knows. Then we headed over to the much ballyhoo'd Fantasy Island. No, it's a kid's carnival place - there was no Mr. Roark and it wasn't Vegas... A great thing there was that Cole had not gone on a roller coaster there at all but didn't want to be left behind by the other 3 so he went. He sat with Chloe who revealed her inner daredevil to him and dragged him to the front seat. I don't think he knew anything about the front being the "best" place but he handled it well and got off with a smile. Granted it wasn't anything real big as they went around the same track about 6 times that basically went up about 2 feet and circled down.
Saturday was sunny and had warm water. We spend all day at the beach, dug pits, boogie boarded, fought the waves, searched for sea shells, tried to re-apply enough sunscreen and had a great day overall. Poppy, Steve's dad, made dinner for us all and we hung out on their back deck telling stories until it was time to head back to the Motel for some sleep. The older kids stayed there to sleep upstairs with the Philpott boys.
Sunday brought the clouds. We headed to the beach for a little while but by lunch we were getting rained on and headed back to the shelter of the house. While the boys were distracted with DS and the Little League World Series, Chloe was getting some painting insight from Poppy, who happens to be a bit of an artist. She was totally enthralled and came up to me asking to go back to the motel to get her drawing book and pencils because "seeing someone paint or do art makes me want to do art".
We did try to get out of the house between rains and thought it would be a good time to go see the Barnaget Lighthouse on the north shore of the island. We had some misting on the way up but nothing too bad. We got there and started walking to the lighthouse thinking we had only a couple of minutes to get inside for the walk to the top before it closed at 5pm. About half way there it started to pour down rain and then to top it off we got to the base only to find out it closed at 4:30. So we turned around and headed back to the vans. We found the entrance to a visitor center. Though the door was locked it did have a roof so we were out of the rain. After it died down a bit we made a run for the cars. We made plans to meet at a restaurant to get a snack - Steph and I were going to stop at a little craft/gift store to look around first. Philpotts ended up coming back to that store with us because the restaurant was even closed. The next thought was Viking Village, which is essentially a marina where fishing boats are docked and has some touristy things and shops. It held off raining for most of this time. We headed back home for dinner. That was supposed to be a done deal as we had a chicken brining for most of the day but the discussion was - do you think one chicken is enough? well, it depends on how you cut it and what else we have to eat with it. Might as well grill two of them then. Ok that will take a couple of hours adn it's almost 6:30 now, should we feed the kids something else? sure how about dogs and burgers. Sounds good, I think I'll have a burger too - I'm hungry. Me too. When Steph and Anne didn't want to eat anything I had a burger and warmed up some leftover pork tenderloin, Steve had a burger and we still grilled the chicken.
That night Dylan wanted to come back to sleep in the motel with us. He was very chatty when we got there and didn't want to go to sleep. It was cool to hang with just him for a while and talk. I had to cut him off though because we were meeting for breakfast at 7:30am for a special of 2 eggs, 2 pancakes, 2 sausage for $2.22. You can't pass up that deal. The only bad thing is that you have to be there before 8am. Good thing is - we all made it to Uncle Will's on time and had a great breakfast. Then we headed to the beach. Yay the sun came out. We had a great morning doing all the beachy things we did on Saturday only today was hard to go out into the waves. They were pretty big but there was also a fast current that would take you down the beach in a hurry if you weren't paying attention. I tried to go out on the boogie board to try them out but by the time I was about halfway to where I wanted to be I would be 100 feet down the shoreline and exhausted from paddling and fighting the waves. I gave up and went back to the house to take a conference call for work. When I was heading back to the beach after the call I met the whole crew coming home. Seems it started raining a bit on the beach so they came home for lunch. We also had to pack up and get on the road home since we had to work on Tuesday. We relaxed a bit, headed to some stores for some shopping (we had to get Dylan a new hermit crab since I left the top of the cage open and his climbed out a few weeks ago) and packed up finally getting on the road about 6pm. A stop at Target for some essentials on the mainland and gas were the only stops.
On the way home we got messages from Marla that they had decided to keep with the transfusions for as long as he was able and would have hospice care come to the house to help with medications. Russ wrote what will probably be his final update in his blog and Steph read it to me as I was driving down the road. He spoke of facing the reality of him dying. That's where I thought of the bridges.
We were all crossing bridges that night, literally and figuratively. We were crossing many bridges to get back home making that trasition from Island to Mainland, from Beach Life to Real Life, from Vacation to Work. Our group of friends was about to go across the bridge of having 4 families who love each other's company and get together as often as possible to having an empty seat at the table from now on. Marla and Russ were facing thier own Bridges - Life to Death. Facing death, one's own and that of one you love. Some bridges are fun to go across and others are scary beyond belief but they all have to be crossed. I can't even imagine their conversations, feelings or the decisions they have had to make. They both have been so strong through this entire ordeal and to have the fact that there are no more options when you have a terminal illness is like getting lost in the mountains, climbing for days thinking that at the top you'll be able to see the next town and you'll be safe. Only to get to the top and find out there are mountains all around you for as far as you can see with no safety in sight.
I will close with that as the post is already longer than anticipated. Next post will update on what has happened since we returned.
Thanks for reading.

A Few Months - WHAT?

So in the last few months we've been to Beloit for Easter where the Wilson's hosted us and my parents. We also celebrated Steph's 40th birthday. Two weeks after that we had her Birthday party here hosted by the Bailey family. We had a great time with everyone, some we hadn't seen in a while - even the Opalka's made it down for the weekend festivities.

May took me to Illinois to spend Mother's Day with my mom and Grandma Reeve. It was a short notice weekend as my Grandma was rushed to the hospital, had intestinal surgery and released the day before Mother's Day. I was able to see her and I brought Addison with me so Grandma was able to see her. I also was able to say a big Thank You and Goodbye to her as she passed away at the beginning of July.

June brought a trip to DC for just Steph and I. Granted we did meet up with my friends Frank & Katya and Dave & Jenny. Just what Steph wants - to spend our anniversary with my friends, especially after last year when I went to my 20 year reunion on our Anniversary. Actually, once we got down there we had a really good time. Frank & Kat had to leave pretty soon so we hung out with Dave & Jenny for a while. Well, honestly we closed down the bar. While they had to go to a wedding the next day we were able to sleep in before we went exploring. After lunch we stumbled upon the National Portrait Gallery. We went in just to kill some time and ended up spending all afternoon there. What an amazing place. Go if you are in town.
We also made a trip to Iowa for my Grandpa Woldruff's 90th birthday celebration that tied in with the annual Woldruff Family Reunion and Father's Day in Clarinda. It was a great event and I got to hang out with cousin Amanda and family who I had not seen in a few years and her sister Alexa who I had not seen in about 8 years. We got our parents to watch all our kids one night and hung out as adult cousins for the first time. After a quick beer run we sat around in one of our hotel rooms as the nightlife in Clarinda is limited to dimly lit, smokey, small bars. It worked out great because we were able to talk and share stories that some remembered and some completely forgot. The ages ranged quite a bit from Alexa who is in her mid 20s to Scott who is closer to 50. Lots of laughter was had that night and we even made it up for church the next morning. Then Amanda's husband made lunch in the church kitchen for us - some amazing biscuits and gravy.

July took us to Connecticut for Independence Day with the Opalka clan. It was the first time for us to spend a night on the Opalka boat. Back in the day when Peter and Karen lived in Maryland we would do that quite a bit with them but since we started having kids - no dice. It actually worked out very well. We traveled across Long Island Sound to Port Jefferson, NY from their marina in Bridgeport, CT. We even got in a little fishing even though we didn't catch anything - this time. Reasons for that range from no fish to be seen on the radar (Pete's excuse) or that bad driving tangled the lines (mine). Regardless, we had a fantastic time. Pictures can be seen on Facebook. Bonnie also came out for a week to watch the older kids at our house, then took them back to Kansas for a 1.5 weeks. She transferred them to my parents who then took them to Kristin's in Hampshire, IL where they stayed for another week. All in all the kids were gone for 3 weeks straight. We initially hadn grandious plans to lounge by the pool many days and a couple of weekends. We got one full day - alone - at the pool. We also had a scare with an axe wound on Steph's leg. No, I didn't go all Lizzie Borden on her. She thought it would be a good idea to help cut up a tree branch that fell during a storm. She didn't use the saw that was "broken" but thought an axe would work well. Why she didn't use the tree trimming loppers, the world will never know. Nothing major from this one, just a good story and a tetnus shot. The big weekend we were planning to spend lounging was spent heading back to Clarinda for Grandma Reeve's Memorial Service held in New Market. That was nice as well because I got to meet up with more cousins - some I had not seen in almost 10 years. We were able to catch up a bit, remember Grandma and plan to keep in touch more.
From there I headed to Colorado for our national sales meeting in Colorado Springs. I spent the week at the Broadmoor, an amazing place if you ever have a chance to go. I flew out from there to Chicago to spend the weekend at Kristin and Scott's for our own family gathering. Then headed home. I was ready to be home after living out of a suitcase for 11 days. Dylan was also ready to come home - even though he had a week of vacation with his cousins left. He did have a good week with them but was sad he wasn't coming home with us.
August so far - Kristin brought the kids home and came with Lauren for the weekend. We had a pool party that Saturday to welcome the kids home and Chloe was able to introduce her cousin to her friends here. They formed a fast bond and Lauren was very sad to leave.
Last weekend we had the Scanlan, Ferson, Rendzio and most of the Huisenga families over. Vic and Jen Ferson recently moved from New Jersey to Northern Virginia so it was great to have them over for the first time since they moved. I have to say that Reeve kids are heavier to throw than most of the other kids. I guess we grow some solid kids - I was sore the next day from throwing them. One of the most exciting things was when I walked up to the pool area table, grabbed my beer and took a drink. Immediately I spit it out all over Katya's feet. The reason? Warm beer? No, I'd drink that. Funky beer? No, I'd drink that too. A bee? Yep. I had a bee in my mouth that was now swimming the in pool of beer on the deck. Someone, Vic I think, asked if I got stung. I said no but then felt something on the roof of my mouth. It felt like when you burn your mouth on hot pizza for a second. Then I realized that I hadn't had anything hot yet so I stuck my finger in to feel around. I scraped the roof of my mouth and incredibly something came out. There on my finger was a bee stinger, venom sac and some bee guts that were ripped out of the bee as I spewed it from my mouth. That's about when the pain from the sting started kicking in. Vic mentioned that putting onions on bee stings helps so I grabbed some and put them in my mouth to suck on. That didn't work so well. My idea helped a bit more - whiskey. I grabbed a bottle, took a swig and just kept it in my mouth for a few minutes. It did swell up a bit but stopped hurting after a couple of days. I'm all good now but I think Steph is rubbing off on me a bit.
That's all for now but I promise to be better about posting. Summer has been unexpectedly busy. We're headed to Long Beach Island tomorrow for a few days and then school starts.

Shamrockin'

I know it has been quite some time since you have heard from me. I wanted to update you all on your donations to my run to support LLS and more specifically Russ French.

Last year 2 weeks prior to the Shamrock Half Marathon I signed up to run and to which you donated, I developed IT Band Syndrome. Basically the ligament that runs down the outside of your legs tightens up. I had shooting pain with each step. Apparently, I'm getting too old not to stretch properly before and after runs. I had to back out fo the race and cheer on my friends from the sidelines. Due to other circumstances I was not able complete a run last year so I signed up for the Shamrock again this year.

I signed up and started training late Fall. Training was sporadic and was limited to time and unimaginalble amounts of snow that blocked streets let alone sidewalks to run. This past weekend Steph and I made the trip to Virginia Beach for the race weekend. I was meeting up with my friends that I talked into running with me last year to uphold that end of the bargain as well. The weekend was warm and sunny and overall great. Despite limited training I completed the run in 2:14:49. Not the time I wanted but respectable enough.

It was not easy. We got to the starting line late after waiting in the port-a-pot lines for what seemed like forever so we didn't get in the correct pace corrals. I spent the first half of the race trying to catch up to my pace group. That expended a lot of extra energy up front so by mile 11 I was at the wall. I also had a full bladder. There is an uncomfortable feeling when you know you have 3 miles to go on a full bladder. I had already passed the last official potty stop so I started looking for a good bush. With so many people on the sides and running through a residential area I was not even able to do that. Miles 11 & 12 were the biggest obstacles to overcome as I was tired, hurting and felt like I was running alone. One of my goals was to not walk and two guys helped me through it. One was my friend Joe, who's off-hand words came back to me at this time, "You can do anything, just don't quit". Thanks for those words Joe. The other was the inspiration of Russ, the reason I started running for a purpose. He just recently went back in to the hospital. The strength he and Marla have to deal with this is amazing. I know they are going through incredible emotions. Just thinking of what the French family has gone through I figured I could power through and put up with whatever I was going through for another 20-30 minutes.

The course goes down Atlantic Avenue until the last 1/4 -1/2 mile is run along the boardwalk. God answers prayers and there were some port-a-pots stationed right at the turn. A quick stop was all I needed and felt much better to finish strong. Another boost was seeing Steph along the boardwalk cheering and taking pictures. I picked up the pace and tried to leave it all on the course. It felt very good to cross the finish line. I accomplished a couple of things. One being that I reached a goal of running 13.1 miles in a race with some of my best and oldest friends. The other and probably longer lasting is that I ran with purpose and for a cause to help a friend. I'm not a doctor so I can't help that way but I can go through a little pain and hardship to raise money to find a cure.

I'm already looking at other races to run, some 10k some half and yes we've even discussed a full marathon next year, but this first one is special.

Russ, this first one is for you.